


repose i seek in the storm

by Anonymous



Series: let our hearts be united [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Arguing, Cheating accusations, Fights, Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mind Control, Non-Graphic Violence, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Wedding Planning, Weddings, and not the fun kind, bad things happen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2017-04-29
Packaged: 2018-10-23 20:32:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10726698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Shiro and Matt are getting married. What could go wrong?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> @ dreamworks let my sons be happy

Shiro woke up about an hour after he had fallen asleep to the sound of muffled sobs. Matt was hunched over on his side of the bed, his back to Shiro, and crying.  
  
“Matt?” Shiro said softly. “Are,” he started, and realized that it was pointless to ask if Matt was okay. “Is it okay if I touch you?”  
  
Matt sniffled. “Yeah. I don’t even know why I’m crying, really.”  
  
Shiro didn’t say anything to that, even though he suspected it wasn’t exactly true; just sat beside him and wrapped an arm gently around his shoulders. Matt turned into his embrace and buried his head in Shiro’s chest, shoulders shaking. Shiro rubbed circles into Matt's back.  
  
"I'm here," he whispered. "It's okay, love, you're safe."  
  
Matt twisted his fingers together in his lap, staring down at them. "I can see them, if I close my eyes," he whispered. "Everyone who died because of me."  
  
"Matt," Shiro started, and hesitated. What could he say?  
  
"People I killed, people I got killed, everyone. Every bad call, every botched mission…" Matt's voice trailed off. "Even the Galra I kill," he added, so softly Shiro could have almost imagined it.  
  
Shiro pulled him closer. "I see everyone I killed in the arena," he confessed. "They weren't even soldiers, they were slaves, people like us, and I killed them because it was me or them."  
  
Matt wrapped his arms around Shiro. The faint red light of the castle at night made his hair glow like fire against Shiro's chest. Shiro ran his hand through the coppery locks, letting the soft strands slip through his fingers.  
  
"Maybe this makes me a bad person or selfish," Matt whispered, "But…I'm glad it was you. If you had died out there, I don't think I could have handled it."  
  
Shiro could feel the tears pricking in his eyes. "I don't think I could have handled it if you died, either."

* * *

Matt groaned and dropped his head down to the table, images of flowers floating behind his eyes when he blinked. "What if we just eloped?" he muttered. "Run off to Vegas and get married."  
  
Shiro glanced up from his tablet. "What is it now?"  
  
"Flowers. There are so many flowers. Why do we have to approve every flower?"  
  
"I guess it's to keep people from getting anxious about it? Like, every flower is accounted for so there's nothing to worry about. Also so that they can charge us for them."  
  
"I don't suppose they'll take Galactic Standard," Matt said.  
  
"Yeah, probably not." Shiro put a hand the back of Matt's neck, massaging gently. Matt hummed softly, leaning back into his grip. "Want to switch tablets? I don't mind staring at petals for a while."  
  
"Nah, just…why are there so many flowers. Why are there so many types of flowers. Why does it matter if Pidge has a nosegay or a posy, is there even a difference? I don't think there's a difference."  
  
Shiro blinked. "A nosegay? What would a nose even be gay for?"  
  
Matt burst into slightly hysterical laughter. A tear ran down one cheek, then another, and suddenly Matt was sobbing. Shiro wrapped an arm around him, and Matt curled into him.  
  
"Getting a little overwhelmed?" Matt nodded into his arm. "Okay, baby. Do you want to rest for a while, or look at something else?"  
  
"What're you looking at?"  
  
"Caterers."  
  
"Can I look at them with you?" Matt sounded suddenly shy.  
  
"Sure." Shiro propped up some pillows and leaned back against them so that Matt could curl up between him and the back of the couch. He wrapped one arm around Matt's shoulders and held the tablet in the other. Matt rested his head on Shiro's chest, feeling his heart beating under his cheek.  
  
The image on screen looked like something only Coran would eat; pinkish-orange circles of dough covered in dots and stripes in bright colors, none of which looked appetizing or even particularly edible.  
  
"Pass," Matt said.  
  
"Yeah, same." Shiro swiped to the next option; a shot of a table with fruit arrangements on it.  
  
"Maybe?"  
  
"I'll pull up some more pictures of them."  
  
The more pictures included grilled vegetables, artfully arranged charcuterie plates, and little cakes with cherries on top.  
  
"Well, that looks promising," Shiro said, tapping the picture so a little heart appeared in one corner. "Hey, Matt, you okay?"  
  
"Yeah." Matt looked extraordinarily comfortable. "This is nice. Keep going."  
  
The next place promised little hamburgers on a plate; the next one showed a pizza by a wood-fire oven. Matt closed his eyes and let Shiro's voice wash over him. He wasn't quite sure when he fell asleep.

* * *

Allura had a mission. Ever since Matt and Shiro started wedding planning, she had found herself in the middle of discussions about human wedding minutia, and enough was enough. She was going to find out exactly what had all her paladins so incredibly stressed.  
  
Alteans had mating ceremonies; most societies had something like it. Any society that valued exclusivity of partners had them, really, and that was most of them. Sure, the Olkari generally considered only having one partner exclusively to be incredibly strange—any sort of exclusivity at all was strange to them, really—but by and large, mating ceremonies were common and expected and nothing like the chaos that was consuming the Castle. Most of the time there was barely a ceremony; the mates in question would, well, mate, with witnesses at comfortable distance to agree that they mated, and that was the ceremony. Sure, there was sometimes a party afterwards, or a ceremony for fertility, but nothing that would warrant such…chaos.  
  
She narrowed her eyes at the books the Castle had provided. The first was titled The Wedding, and had an image of trees over a lake, with some Earth animals she didn't recognize on the lake. She opened it, and began reading. It started with praise for someone named Nicholas Sparks. Lots of praise for Nicholas Sparks.  
  
Allura flipped a few pages, past the praise for the author and the acknowledgements, and began reading.  
  
"Is it possible, I wonder, for a man to truly change?" the book began. Allura arranged her skirts and sat down. "Or do character and habit form the immovable boundaries of our lives?"  
  
Surely this would give her some insight into how human weddings worked and why everyone was so stressed about it. 

Two pages later, she had learned only that anniversaries were important to humans. None of this seemed to be about weddings; apparently the people in the book had married thirty years before. She set it down to read later; it would probably reveal some important things about humans, but it wasn't what she was looking for.  
  
She frowned as she went through the pile of books. These all seemed to be fictional. Getting useful information out of these could take ages. 

* * *

Matt woke up in stages. He was lying on something firm and warm, with a blanket over him and a wall at his back. He opened one eye, and realized that he had fallen asleep on Shiro, on the couch. Someone had draped a blanket over them, and their tablets were sitting, abandoned, on the table.  
  
Shiro was asleep, and Matt would have to crawl over him to move, and it wasn’t often he felt so incredibly, undoubtably _safe_. He closed his eyes and settled back down on Shiro’s chest, draping one arm over the rest of Shiro to hold him in place. His fingers brushed something cold and hard, and his eyes snapped open in shock. Shiro hadn't taken off his arm before falling asleep. He should wake up Shiro so that he could take off his arm, and then they could get back to cuddling without the prosthetic causing Shiro more pain.  
  
He kissed Shiro on the cheek and gently shook his shoulder. Shiro mumbled something but didn’t wake up.  
  
“Hey, Shiro.” He shook his shoulder a little more strongly. “Wake up.”  
  
“Flrgl,” Shiro mumbled. “Matt? Whuzzup?”  
  
“You need to take off your arm, baby.”  
  
Shiro looked like he wanted to do nothing more than fall right back asleep, but he fumbled at the catch on his prosthetic and let it fall to the floor with a thud. Matt flinched instinctively at the sudden sound, but Shiro wrapped his arm around Matt and that made everything so much better.  
  
“You know,” Matt said, “We have a bed. It’s a nice bed.”  
  
“We do,” Shiro agreed. “But I really don’t want to move.”  
  
“Our bed has actually has enough room for both of us, unlike this couch.” Shiro looked unmoved.  “You could stretch out your legs, they’re probably about to cramp up.”  
  
“Fine,” Shiro huffed, and swung his legs over.  
  
“Shiro, are you mad at me?”  
  
“No,” he said, but his words and tone didn’t seem to match.  
  
“We don’t have to if you don’t want to,” he tried, but Shiro made a face like he was being extraordinarily patient.  
  
“I said, it’s fine. If you want to go to our bed we can.”  
  
"Shiro," Matt started, but Shiro brushed past him and stalked into their room.  
  
"Well? Aren't you coming?"  
  
"You know, I think I changed my mind about cuddling." Matt wanted to be nowhere near him, given the way Shiro's face was turning into a thundercloud.  
  
"You always do this," Shiro snapped. "You start something and then you change your mind instead of committing to it."  
  
"I do not!" Matt shot back, stung.  
  
"You just did! You make other people change and adjust for you and then you change your mind about it, because you're self-centered and childish!"  
  
"At least I'm not a selfish prick who takes advantage of other people's misery to make himself feel needed!" _No, no, why was he saying this?_ Hurt flashed across Shiro's face, and Matt felt a fleeting moment of triumph.  
  
"At least I have friends!"  
  
"I have friends! But I guess they don't count, do they? Since they don't look human."  
  
"If that's what you think about me, then why do you hang around me?"  
  
"I could ask you the same question!"  
  
"Then maybe you should leave me alone! Do you think you could manage that, for once in your life?"  
  
"Fine!" Matt snapped.  
  
"Fine!"

* * *

"Hey, Allura," Matt said. He looked tired, which wasn't unusual given the stress of wedding planning, and sad, which she didn't see on him much. "Do you mind opening a spare room for me?"  
  
"Sure," she said warily. "Did something happen between you and Shiro?"  
  
"We had a fight. I…I don't think it's anything to be worried about." Matt was staring studiously at the ground. "I just don't want to be around him for a while."  
  
Allura reached out and hugged him. Matt shuddered at the touch, and Allura was about to let go when he started sobbing in her arms. She wished Coran was here, she had no idea what to say. What would Coran do?  
  
"Well, it's like they say. Don't let the akonzap eat all the plykaks."  
  
Matt laughed softly, resting his head on her shoulder. "You sound like Coran. I have no idea what you just said, though."  
  
"It means don't let things get out of control."  
  
"Easier said than done, I think." Matt sighed. "I don't know if Shiro will even want to make up, I said some things I shouldn't have, just to hurt him."  
  
Allura couldn't imagine what the Castle would be like if Matt and Shiro split. "No, you can't break up! Shiro will want to make up, I'm sure of it!"  
  
"I guess," Matt said, but he didn't sound convinced. "I still don't really want to be around him yet."  
  
"There's an open room at the end of the green hallway, if you want it. It's a little small, but…" her voice trailed off as she saw Shiro watching them from an upper level window.  
  
"Thanks, Allura." He hugged her quickly and left just in time for Shiro to appear behind her.  
  
"So," he said, voice cold, "You and Matt, huh?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyone is miserable and nobody is happy, the chapter
> 
> there's like…a single very small reference to extremely passive suicidality, and some non-graphic violence in the training room

Matt lay on the bed in the spare room, staring at the ceiling. He wanted to die, in an abstract sort of not-being-alive way. Thinking about Shiro made him feel sick, which was why he was thinking about Shiro, and the way the mattress underneath him had unfamiliar lumps on it, and how much he wanted to time travel to a few hours ago and tell himself to not insist on moving to their bed.  
  
He rolled over, trying to not think about what it had felt like to have Shiro’s arms around him, warm and solid and heavy, covering him and shielding him.  
  
The sheet was too light, the blanket too heavy, the room too quiet without Shiro’s gentle breathing. It all felt wrong, and Matt toyed with the idea of going back to their room and crawling into bed next to Shiro. He'd apologize in the morning, when they were both rested and cooled off, and everything would go back to normal. Back to the way it should be.  
  
What if Shiro kicked him out? What if they started fighting again? The thought of Shiro kicking him out was too horrible to contemplate, which was probably why his brain was throwing images of all the ways and reasons it could happen at him.  
  
He couldn't stand it.  
  
He flipped on the light and grabbed his tablet off the bedside table. It opened to images of flowers, and the memory of that afternoon resurfaced with a vengeance. Matt still wasn't sure what he did, exactly, that started it off—had he pressed too hard? Was it the suggestion at all, when Shiro clearly wanted to just go back to sleep?  
  
…Was this the way it was going to be for the rest of his life? He loved Shiro, but the thought of walking on eggshells around him made his stomach roil. If this was what being married would be like, he didn't want to get married.  
  
He sighed and closed out of the wedding planner, opening up the Sudoku that he and Pidge rigged up and set the difficulty to expert. Even for just a few minutes, the familiar grids of numbers would distract him.  
  
A minute later, he was back to thinking about Shiro. Fighting sucked. 

* * *

The gladiator's head hit the ground with a thud, the stump of the neck still steaming. It did nothing to abate Shiro's rage.  
  
Anger was a familiar shield; if he was angry, he wasn't processing the pain. Turned out that worked for emotional pain, too.  
  
"Level ten: passed," said the room, "Initiating training level eleven." Four gladiators dropped out of the ceiling and charged at him, their staffs extended—  
  
_Matt eyeing Shiro warily, staff ready in case Shiro attacked, his eyes widening in recognition when Shiro pulled off his helmet, tears clinging to his lashes as he nearly tackled Shiro in excitement—_  
  
The gladiator's staff hit Shiro in the ribs, sending him crashing into a wall. He could taste blood in his mouth, and spat it out. It splattered on the floor, and the room soaked it up.  
  
The gladiators froze. "Blood detected," the room said. "Do you wish to end training sequence?"  
  
"No. Continue training sequence."  
  
The gladiators started moving again, and Shiro dodged and swiped and didn't think about Matt. His ribs protested every breath, burning and stabbing, but he knew how to deal with pain. He pushed it aside, and let the rage fuel him. _How dare he!_ Did he care about Shiro at all, or had all that been a game? How long had this been going on? The thought of Matt and Allura being together while he and Matt planned their wedding, while Shiro wore his ring, was enough to push all the pain away with white-hot rage, and he put his hand through one of the gladiator's chests, and looked around for the next one only to find that there were none left.  
  
"Level eleven: passed. Initiating training level twelve."  
  
"No," Shiro said, "End training sequence." His ribs were probably cracked, and there was enough physical pain there to drive the emotional pain away. He should get into a healing pod; he was no good to anyone injured—  
  
_Matt telling him he needed to take care of himself, one hand cupping Shiro's cheek, golden eyes soft and worried—_  
  
"Shut up," he muttered. His ribs screamed with every step, the adrenaline gone and the pain in force. He clutched at them as he walked out of the room, leaning heavily against the wall.  
  
The hallway swam in front of his eyes, and he took a hesitant step forward. He overbalanced and caught himself on the wall. He took another step and tipped forward, landing hard on his shoulder. He tried to stand up, to force his feet to move, to keep going. Every breath was a struggle, and as his eyes slipped closed he thought he could see Matt. 

* * *

Matt finally gave up trying not to think about Shiro after the third Sudoku and swung himself out of bed. Shiro was probably asleep, anyway, so he probably wouldn't notice Matt come in. It was a good plan, a solid plan.  
  
The bedroom was dark when Matt slid the door open, just wide enough that he could slip in the door without letting too much light in from the hallway. He crawled under the covers on his side, and realized that Shiro wasn't there; the dark shadow he had seen was just a shadow.  
  
He shot up out of bed and flung open the door. Shiro wasn't in the hallway, wasn't in the kitchen, wasn't on the bridge, wasn't in the small room with windows all around except for the small door that lead back into the rest of the Castle; wasn't anywhere that it would make sense for someone to be in the middle of the night. He wasn't even in the training room, though it looked like someone had been there recently.  
  
Matt wandered through the halls, trying to think of where Shiro might be.  
  
He spotted a dark lump in the distance, and started running. His sock-clad feet slid on the smooth tile.  
  
Shiro lay stretched out on the floor, one hand trapped underneath him. His lips were disturbingly red, slick with blood.  
  
"Shiro?" Matt said, reaching out to shake him. "Shiro, wake up!"  
  
Shiro didn't move.  
  
"Shiro!" Matt screamed, the word torn from his throat. "Takashi, please, wake up." His voice came dangerously close to breaking. His only comfort was that Shiro was breathing, he was just unconscious. Unconscious and injured.  
  
Healing pod. He needed to get Shiro to a healing pod, and he needed to do it now.  
  
He hoisted Shiro up in his arms and immediately realized what the injury was: Shiro had a broken rib.  
  
"Hey, baby," he whispered, trying not to panic, "Hey, it's okay, I've got you. We're going to get you to a healing pod, and everything's going to be okay. Just got to get you to a pod, and you'll be fine. Everything's going to be okay." His voice cracked.  
  
He had seen worse injuries before; seen Shiro injured worse, even. What was it about this that was making him panic? Shiro, small and helpless, collapsed in the hallway for who knows how long…Shiro, who last remembered Matt yelling and furious and hurtful…  
  
Guilt churned his stomach. He'd apologize to Shiro for yelling when he woke up.  
  
He paused in front of the healing pods, trying to figure out how he would get Shiro into one alone. Luckily, the pods were smart, and once he got Shiro's legs in, they sealed up around him, supporting the rest of his body while Matt pushed him in.  
  
Somehow seeing Shiro in the pod, sealed up and motionless, was worse than seeing Shiro passed out on the ground. 

* * *

Shiro woke up to a burst of cold air and stumbled out of the healing pod. He didn't remember getting into one; he remembered pain, and he remembered collapsing. He frowned as he tried to connect the feeling of the cold floor against his cheek with being in a healing pod.  
  
He nearly tripped over a pair of legs sprawled out in front of him. Matt's cheek was smushed against the side of the pod, legs stretched out in front of him. A blanket was draped haphazardly over his shoulders, barely clinging to his skin. Shiro's heart lurched. Matt had put him in the healing pod, hadn't he? And then fell asleep, waiting for him—  
  
_Matt's face hidden by Allura's hair, his arms around her waist as he said words Shiro couldn't hear—_  
  
Shiro stepped over Matt's legs and went to get breakfast. About five minutes later, Matt came down as well, hair in disarray and little pink lines on his cheek from where it had been pressed against the pod.  
  
He stood up and walked out, leaving his food untouched on the table.  
  
"Shiro," he heard Matt saying behind him. "Shiro, wait, about yesterday—" His fingers brushed Shiro's shoulder, and Shiro whirled on him.  
  
"Were you even going to tell me?"  
  
Matt's eyebrows drew up. "What?"  
  
"You and Allura. I'm not blind, Matt, and I'm not dumb. Did you two laugh about it, stupid Shiro who never realized he was being played with?"  
  
"What are you talking about?" Matt looked scared. Good, he thought with savage joy.  
  
"Don't play dumb with me, I saw you with her yesterday." He took a step forward, and Matt took a step back. "Were you ever going to tell me, _love?_ Or were you just going to keep going?" He took another step forward. Matt's back hit the wall. "Everything's about you, isn't it? Always about Matt Holt, never mind anyone else. You don't care about anyone else, as long as you can get what you want. Isn't that right?"  
  
"Shiro," Matt squeaked. "Shiro, stop, you're scaring me."  
  
"Good," he snarled, palms flat on the wall on either side of Matt's head. Matt's breath hitched in what was almost a gasp, and then there was a boot in his chest. He stumbled back, staring in shock at Matt. Matt was breathing hard, still in a fighting stance, but he dropped it quickly, running a hand through his hair.  
  
"Look, Shiro, I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry for what I said yesterday. I shouldn't have, and I'm sorry."  
  
Shiro blinked at him. "Are you kidding me?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You're cheating on me with Allura and you think I care about some dumb argument?"  
  
"I'm not cheating on you!"  
  
"I saw you with her!"  
  
"What, you saw us hug? Because if that's cheating now, I've got news for you about you and _your entire team!_ "  
  
"I know what I saw," Shiro snarled. If he was a little calmer he might have backed down, but Matt's logic was powerless against the strength of Shiro's pride. "Or are you saying I just imagined it?"  
  
"I'm saying you jumped to conclusions!"  
  
"What other conclusions should I have jumped to?"  
  
"Oh, gee, I don't know, maybe that Allura and I are friends, and friends comfort each other when they're worried that their fiance hates them?"  
  
"Right, because you're so worried about your fiance hating you, that's why you're sleeping with Allura behind my back—"  
  
"I'm not sleeping with Allura!" Matt screamed. "Allura and I aren't together! She's my friend and nothing else! I'm not even attracted to girls _and you know that!_ "  
  
"No," Shiro said, calmer than he felt. "I don't know that. I don't think I know anything about you anymore."  
  
He turned and left, feeling the weight of Matt's gaze on his back as he walked away from him but never turning back. If Matt started to sob, then he didn't know it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the Bad Things chapter. violence against a loved one happens. if you're sensitive to abuse, you might want to skip from pidge interrupting matt and coran down to the last section. or just skip this chapter entirely, there's a summary in the end notes.

It was amazing, how simultaneously easy and hard it was to avoid someone on the Castle. Matt had retreated to the small room that was all windows, his head resting on his folded arms as he stared out at the star-studded universe below him, and was promptly found by his dad.   
  
"Hey, kiddo," he said, footsteps mixing with the gentle tik-tik-tik of his cane as he walked up behind Matt. "Heard you and Shiro were fighting. Wanna talk about it?"  
  
"No," he said, feeling like he was about fifteen and petulant.   
  
"Alright, then. Mind if I sit?"  
  
If Dad had asked when he was actually fifteen and petulant, he would have told him not to, just to be contrary. "Go ahead," he said.   
  
Dad sat down with a groan, cane resting beside his outstretched legs. "Never get old, Matt, or at least never get captured by aliens when you are." Matt gave him a watery smile. "Oh, little sparrow, come here." He held out his arms and Matt let him pull him into a sideways hug. "I'm here, I've got you."   
  
"Remember when space was exciting?" Matt said. "You'd take me up into the mountains and we would stay up all night watching the stars. It all seemed so exciting and fun back then. And you'd say that—that space was a promise, just waiting to be fulfilled. That it was our destiny to go out there and leave our mark on the cosmos. Now it's just…it's there. When did space get boring?"  
  
"I'd say somewhere around Jupiter, when you declared that if you ever saw another star ever again, you would scream. And then Shiro blindfolded you and took you to the cockpit to show you more stars."  
  
"I did scream," he said, remembering it. Shiro had kissed him when he paused for a moment to inhale, slow and sweet, and that had made up for the whole thing. Matt smiled at the memory, and then remembered Shiro's face distorted in fury, and the smile faded. "I miss him."  
  
"Are you sure you don't want to talk about this fight you two had? It sounds like it was a doozy."  
  
Matt grimaced. "It's…" he sighed. "I suggested we move off the couch, onto our bed—we were cuddling, Dad, don't give me that look—and Shiro wanted to stay on the couch? And he got all huffy and passive-aggressive at me. And then we were fighting. I don't know. Then this morning, when I was trying to apologize, he accused me of cheating on him." Dad raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "With Allura." His eyebrows crept further up. "And then I said I wasn't, because I'm not, and Shiro said I was lying and…" His voice trailed off.   
  
"Well, I was going to suggest that it's partially stress. Goodness knows I fought with your mom something fierce when we were planning our wedding, and we didn't even have to invite anyone from outside the country, let alone from outside the galaxy. But that doesn't sound like Shiro, even when he's stressed. You were out to him almost before you were out to us, and he's always trusted you."  
  
"I don't know what to do," he whispered. He leaned against his dad's shoulder. "I don't want to lose him."  
  
Dad didn't say anything, just held Matt close and they watched the stars curve around them. 

* * *

Pidge had been frustrated at Matt and Shiro's fight, but she wasn't anymore. Now, she was furious.   
  
She marched over to Shiro, fingernails digging into her palms hard enough to hurt, her knuckles aching. She wanted to punch him right in the nose, and it was only her promise to Matt that she wouldn't hurt him that kept her fists at her side.   
  
"Shiro!"   
  
He glanced up, unconcerned by the storm cloud growing around him.   
  
"Yes, Pidge?"  
  
"I think it's time we had a little talk about my brother."

* * *

"—and then he stormed off," Matt finished, wiping a few stray tears from his eyes and taking a sip of water. Coran, who had been silent all through Matt's rehashing of the fight, hummed thoughtfully and stroked his mustache.   
  
"It sounds like he may have a difnook in his brain. They're a brain parasite that feeds off of certain brain chemicals, so they make the victim paranoid and distrustful, to isolate them from friends and family. Little things that ordinarily would have been forgotten about start to build up more and more until…well, you've seen Shiro. Your usual tiny bit of jealousy or possessiveness turns into an alkonzap that ate all the plykaks."  
  
"So is there a way to fix it?"  
  
"Difnooks are pretty simple to fix. Just a bit of surgery, I must have done it a dozen times." The thought of surgery made his stomach roil. "Although, it might not be a difnook. You see, with difnooks, the victim tends to be more, well. Violent. Not just threatening. It's still possible, of course."  
  
"So if it's not a difnook, what is it?"  
  
Coran opened his mouth to answer just as the door slammed open, revealing Pidge. Her bayard was in her hand, the glowing blade crackling with electricity.   
  
"Matt," she said, "You're not going to like this."  
  
"What happened?"   
  
"Shiro tried to kill me."  
  
"He what!"  
  
"I was trying to talk to him and then he lit up his arm. So I tasered him and ran."   
  
Matt blinked. He glanced at Coran for a heartbeat, and knew that they had both come to the same conclusion. "Where is he," he said, and he barely recognized his voice.   
  
Pidge led him through the halls, and it felt like he was watching them from the ceiling. Nothing seemed real. It went against everything he knew about Shiro. The only other time Shiro had done something like this was in the arena, to try to keep Matt safe. It hadn't exactly worked, but it had been a solid plan for the circumstances. This? None of this made sense, and he hoped that Coran was right about the parasite.   
  
If it was a parasite making him act like this, it meant that Shiro—his Shiro, the Shiro he loved—was still in there, and that he could fix this.   
  
He didn't want to consider that it wasn't a parasite.   
  
Shiro was waiting for them in one of the spare rooms. He didn't look like himself; his eyes were too far open, his grin too hard and sore. It sent a shiver down Matt's spine. His eyes glittered like stars in the dim light, cold and distant.   
  
Matt caught Pidge by the elbow. "Go find Hunk and the others. I've got this." She looked like she wanted to protest. "I've got this, Katie-cat," he repeated.    
  
"That's right, kiddo," Shiro said, and his voice sounded wrong. It took a moment before Matt realized that he had never heard Shiro sound condescending before. "Let the grown-ups talk."  
  
"I tasered you once, I can do it again," Pidge said, but her voice shook. She hugged Matt quickly and left.  
  
"Shiro, this isn't like you," he said. "Talk to me, I can help you."  
  
"I don't want your help," he sneered. "And I don't need it. Haven't you considered that this is like me? You don't know everything about me."  
  
"Oh, believe me, I've considered it, and I definitely know you're capable of it. I just can't believe that the man who risked everything to protect the people he cares about is the same man who's threatening them!"  
  
Shiro waved a hand imperiously. "We're getting off-topic. I sent Pidge to get you for a reason."  
  
"Pidge came to me because she was scared. Scared of _you_.”  
  
"Pidge came to you because I told her too."  
  
Matt wanted to run; all the instincts honed as a slave and a rebel screamed at him to flee, but he was done being scared of Shiro. If the parasite in Shiro's brain was trying to drive them away, it was entirely too good at it. Matt wanted to be nowhere near him. It was taking all his strength to keep his feet rooted in place.   
  
Shiro toyed with his hair, running the locks through his fingers. His expression shifted to something almost fond, but the kind of fondness someone might feel for a pet. "Maybe I should get you a chain." His hand dropped to Matt's neck, squeezing gently like he was measuring for a collar.   
  
Matt slapped his hand away and took a step away from him. "I'm already wearing a ring," he said. "A chain would just be overkill, don't you think?" Breathe, he told himself, breathe. Keep breathing. Don't stop.  
  
"A ring is such a small thing. So easily misplaced or forgotten about." As if to demonstrate, he took his off his finger. In a single, sudden motion, he threw it at Matt. He caught it on reflex. It sat innocuously in his palm as he uncurled his fingers. His heart thudded in his ears.   
  
Shiro closed the distance between them, hand closing tightly around Matt's throat and lifting him up. His back hit the wall. Matt grabbed at Shiro's wrist, trying to break free. Black spots danced at the edge of his vision. He went limp in Shiro's hold. The ring slipped from his hand and landed on the ground with a small metallic sound.   
  
Through a darkening haze, he saw something glowing streak past him and hit Shiro's arm. Shiro dropped him and he collapsed in a heap, gasping for air. Tears of relief stung in his eyes.   
  
"Get away from him!" Pidge yelled, and suddenly his vision was blocked by three pairs of legs. Pidge, Lance, and Keith stood between him and Shiro, bayards drawn and ready. Hunk's large warm hands rested on his shoulders, helping him stand. His legs shook, and he leaned heavily on Hunk as his knees threatened to give way beneath him. 

* * *

Matt paced anxiously outside of the small sterile room, waiting for Shiro. He toyed with the ring he had given Shiro a few months ago, watching the diamond catch the light. As soon as the surgery was over, everything could go back to normal. Shiro might not even remember the past…day. Matt hoped he didn't remember; it would be better for everyone to let it fade away like a bad dream.   
  
Step. Step. Turn.   
  
"You'll wear a hole in the floor at that rate," Pidge said, and made a face. "Ugh. I sound like Dad. Look, Coran's done this a bunch before, right? So he knows what he's doing."  
  
"I know, I know, I just…want all of this to be over."  
  
"Matt, if—" Pidge began. The opening door cut her off.   
  
"Good news!" Coran said. "All the difnooks are out of his brain. He's asleep right now, but he'll be right as your Earth rain when he wakes up."  
  
Matt rushed past Coran and into the room. Shiro lay on a bed, the white sheets draping and pooling around him. He looked entirely too much like a corpse in a morgue for comfort, but Matt pushed the thought away. Shiro was alive and he was going to be okay. His ring was sitting in Matt's pocket, safe and sound. When Shiro woke up, he'd give it back to him.   
  
"Hey, Shiro," he said, just in case Shiro could hear him. "Things have been pretty wild since yesterday, huh? But it's okay, and it wasn't your fault. You just rest, and get better." He fished Shiro's hand out of the sheets and kissed his palm. "I'm not giving up on you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for those who skipped the chapter: shiro is being a buttface because of mind-controlling parasites. coran got them out, but not before shiro attacked pretty much everyone.


End file.
